Diana called me about 10 minutes to 5 on Thursday asking if it were possible for me to come right home. I was in the middle of a story for the next day’s paper, having been given somewhat of an extended deadline. My editor really wanted the story, because copy was thin for the next day. A lot of other stories had fallen through.
It was pretty clear, however, someone needed to watch the kids. Diana was spotting, which without getting into details isn’t a good sign for a pregnant woman. She wanted to drive herself to the hospital. I called my boss, who was understanding and told me to leave. I came home, Diana left, and the kids and I went to a park for them to play.
When we returned I found Diana on the bed and she had obviously been crying. It was clear right away our baby wasn’t going to make it. The doctors had done an ultrasound and found no heartbeat.
There are some details in this story that make it less of a tragedy than it could be. Diana was only eight weeks pregnant. It’s certainly better that this happen now than later on. Second we have two children, two wonderful children. Sarah is 6, has a thirst for knowledge, is really sweet and loves her daddy like nothing else. Sascha is 3, almost 4, is more attached to his mom and has so far shown himself to be a smart boy. We also have family members who have gone through this and we know people recover.
Nonetheless, it is sad. It’s not overwhelming most of the time, but it is a bit sad. We were both ready for a new member of the family. Physically it wasn’t horrible for Diana, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant. Tonight we’re going out to dinner as a family, Diana’s pick. It will be fun. The kids have no doubts we’ll be able to conceive again. It hasn’t been a problem in the past, so I have no reason to doubt it either. When we told the kids Thursday, that was Sarah’s response. Sascha responded with, “I want to watch the Lilo & Stitch DVD.”
Diana is not quite ready for social situations. I’ll teach her Sunday School class tomorrow. Sarah and Sascha and I will go. I’ve never had a reason to not have faith that God has His hand in this, and that it’s for our good. I’ve learned things already. These kids we have now sure are bigger miracles than they were a few a days ago, in my eyes anyway.
Someday in the future we’ll start trying to conceive again. When our next one is born there will be something special about it, because for the first time we’ve experienced just how fragile the whole process is. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have this be what happens all the time. Sarah and Sascha have pretty much spoiled us. I’ve been pretty much fine with all of this, until earlier today. Diana pulled out a picture we got from the first ultrasound. You can’t make out much, but it does remind me of what I saw there. On the screen they changed the colors and very clearly I could see the baby’s heart beating. For whatever reason, it stopped.