Tips on how to treat your carpet and flooring customers, based on our recent experience with the company we hired.
1. Delay returning phone calls
2. Promise to send company employees to install the carpet, then send contract laborers instead.
3. Tell your customer there is 90-days-no-interest financing, even if that’s not true. Let them find out when the bill arrives.
4. Tell your customers it will take no more than two days to install your carpet and laminate, then make sure it takes five.
5. Promise to have someone call you to confirm the installation date, but don’t actually have anyone call. Leave your customers wondering.
6. Tell your customers that you’re going to stay in the house all night if necessary to tear out the old carpet yourself, something you don’t normally do, then leave five minutes after they leave.
7. When the homeowner points out problems with the installation, send the same incompetent contract employee back to fix the problem.
8. When the homeowner further points out the same problems and some new ones, agree that the work was unacceptable, promise to schedule someone to come out, even suggesting you ordered new supplies, but hope your customers will eventually give up.
9. Keep on hand a list of excuses for why different people don’t keep their commitments. Never use the same excuse twice. Start with a sick child. Family time is hard to argue with. In a pinch, tell them a kid had to go to the hospital.
10. Once you’ve come back a few times and demonstrated a false sense of concern over the shoddy workmanship, that’s the time to stop returning phone calls all together.
11. If the homeowner is a reporter, here’s a helpful conversation:
YOU: Your husband isn’t going to write a negative story about this experience, is he?
SPOUSE: No, he doesn’t do that kind of thing.
YOU: Yeah, I don’t really like reporters.
12. Collect commission.
Field of Steve
Last night’s call by Doug Eddings against the Angels has had a lot of people making arguments about whether the ball hit the dirt or not. Frankly, whether it did or not doesn’t matter. The controversy should only be about how Eddings appeared to signal A.J. Pierzynski out, then let him take first.
You should read the post on Martini Republic called Doug Eddings, worst ump in baseball
and assuming it’s true it’s a pretty solid case that Eddings doesn’t have what it takes to be umping major league games, let alone the playoffs. But I haven’t verified the stuff the Martini writer included, so I can’t say for certain.
What is clear is that to the catcher there was no verbal indication of anything other than a clean strike three. To the other players his closed fist signaling an out would have indicated the at-bat was over. Josh Paul should have tagged Pierzynski, but he was selling a third strike, something that’s done all the time. He took a risk that blew up in his face and led to the team losing.
For more, read Jim Caple’s The People’s Court column on ESPN, in which he lays blame mostly at Eddings, but doesn’t excuse Paul either.
Field of Steve
It has been tough to get back into a routine that would have me blogging again. A couple weeks ago I flew to Utah to help my dad pack his house and move up here. This is one of those times where it’s difficult to remember how tough it all was physically to do all that work. But lest I forget, it was one of the most physically demanding weeks of my life.
The steps at the old house going up to the second floor were a bit steep. There was a lot to pack and carry down, and it seemed to never end. It was heavy, and for three days I did most the work myself.
On Wednesday night I felt like my body could do no more, so I rested. The next day I started off well, but after a trip to the dump I felt the need to rest, to catch a nap perhaps. I caught a few winks, but not long after my brother Mike and his friend (and dad’s real estate agent) Rob Ellertson arrived. I didn’t want them to work alone while I rested, so I began to get up. Prior to that I had felt a chain on the right side of my chest, the non-heart attack side. I figured it was minor muscle cramps. Then it moved to the left side, then it went into my arm.
When I got up from the chair I felt one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt in my inner thigh from my knee all the way up to my pelvis. It was nothing more than muscle cramps, but it was amazingly painful. I soaked up some more Gatorade and about an hour later I was fine, and man was I grateful for Rob and Mike.
Rob came back the next day and helped us work so we could get out of there. Had he or Mike not shown up, it might have been days later before Dad and I could take off.
I drove the 24-foot rental truck here, about 935 miles. On Friday night we left Midway and drove as far as Tremonton. On Saturday night we stayed in Ellensburg, Wash.
The next day we drove over the Snoqualmie Pass, rode the Edmonds-Kingston ferry and made it here to unload the truck.
The next week was tough at work. I called in sick Tuesday and probably should have on Monday, but I’m reluctant anymore to not try to tough these things out. Since then I’ve been recovering.
This last weekend I just spent time trying to get things accomplished around here. The house is looking great, but we’ve still got a lot of boxes to unpack and things to learn, such as how to take care of the jacuzzi. Tough life, I know.
Field of Steve
This past week I flew down to Utah to help my dad pack up his house, then drove his moving truck up here. He’s in. It’s all good, but I am absolutely beat. Every time I walk upstairs it feels like I’ve done squats. I’ll be resting today. I’ll start writing again when things are a bit more settled.
Oh, and BYU sucks.
Field of Steve